MLS Kit Rankings 2013

A new uniform ranking is out! Trust me; this will be a regular feature on this blog. As stated during the NHL one, I have a borderline obsession with uniforms and logos.

This edition will focus on MLS. For all you soccer haters, you suck, but feel free to continue reading and enjoying my mediocre writing. This one is a little different from the others due to the nature of soccer kits. Unless colors clash, teams will usually wear their home jersey (always pictured first on the left) both at home and on the road. Also, I do deduct points in my mind when kits do not have a sponsor or have a collar. I think the lack of sponsor can be fine, but usually leaves the shirt way too open. I should not have to explain the collars, but I will. They just look out of place. This is a sport, not a bar in a college town. Anyways, on to the rankings:

19. Houston Dynamo

Houston sucks. It’s plain and simple.

Now to discuss their kits: Orange is a bad color. I still feel like there should be an application process to wear the color orange. 90% of applications would be denied. The lack of sponsor on here leaves the jersey completely plain and boring. They look like jerseys some rec team ordered out of a catalog. The only good thing about any of these is the little Texas flag patch. The problem is that part is tucked in. Way to ruin the only good thing you had Houston…

18. Colorado Rapids

Maroon is the only color worse than orange. Add to that the weird barely visible stripes that are actually all of their season ticket holder’s names. Just a gross looking home kit. The second kit is interesting. I like the color scheme better, as well as the shout out to the state flag. But, I still don’t like them. I really cannot place it. Perhaps it is the barely visible C on the front. I’m not sure, but ultimately it doesn’t matter since the home kit is so bad.

17. Columbus Crew

Ladies and gentleman, we hit a jersey with a sponsor!!! Take the collar off of the home kit here and I like it. If they had the exact same jersey in all white as their second kit, they would be much higher. However, they decided to go with awkward quarter length stripes. Just weird! Can you get high off of sniffing fumes of Barbasol? If you can, then I imagine whoever created this second kit was doing that before coming up with this design.

16. San Jose Earthquakes

For not having a sponsor, these are good. Good color scheme. Simple lines. A lot to like in these kits, except that they are so wide open in the chest. There is just nothing there. I hope they can find a new sponsor soon, but they better not mess with the design!

15. Toronto FC

In case you cannot see it, there is a maple leaf and other designs going on in a slightly darker red on the home kit. Keep it simple Toronto! You have a good color scheme, so try not to ruin it so much next time. The second kit does not help the situation due to the collar. People can argue tradition and all that until they are blue in the face, but I will never fully support the collar. Maybe we should start an application process for collars as well.

14. Sporting Kansas City

Why would you do this SKC? You have a color scheme I like a lot. Your away kit is solid (picture doesn’t include sponsor because their store hasn’t updated that), but that weird left side of the home kit is inexcusable! I even tried to reserve judgment until I saw it on TV. Then, I got to see it on TV and it looked even worse. How dare you do this to your fans! They already had to have things like the jersey below for years!!!

13. Real Salt Lake

Different colored sleeves do not work. Whoever thought they did at adidas needs to be fired. If both sleeves were blue, I would not mind these kits. I would prefer a collar and symmetry over this one sleeve garbage. And that is saying a lot!

12. New England Revolution

These kits can best be described as “meh.” They would rank higher if they did not have one of the worst logos in MLS. The sponsor name is about to be wrapped around to the back it is so long. Can they just find a way to shorten that logo? Maybe just UHC?

11. Chicago Fire

By now, we all know how I feel about collars, so I will go past that on this one. I’m not a fan of the one stripe around the sponsor. Either go stripes or don’t. Pick one! I’m undecided on this away kit. I like it and I don’t. I think if they used white or maybe red on those stripes I would like it more. Bringing in a second blue that is not part of your color scheme confuses me.

10. Seattle Sounders

That home kit is nothing but quality and should be much higher up this list. However, the other two kits are dragging it down with all their might! I like the away kit being black, but absolutely hate that off-center stripe. Especially since it is multi-colored! Seattle hates the words “simple” and “subtle.” Finally, I need to discuss their third kit. It is horrible. It looks bad in this picture, and looks even worse on TV. You need sunglasses just to look at these monsters. It is a shame that Seattle’s home kit is ruined by these other kits.

9. LA Galaxy

Probably the most recognizable kit to the non-fan or even the casual fan. I just cannot stand the diagonal stripe. If you win the Miss America pageant, wear the sash. If you are playing a sport, leave the sash at home. Outside of that, I have nothing to complain about. Quality away kit and a sash-removal away from a top 5 home kit.

8. FC Dallas

It is hard to hate on your own club. Who doesn’t want to say their team has the best uniforms? After I originally did not like the small stripes being added to the home kit, I have learned to actually like them. I think the addition of the Advocare logo helped that out a lot. The away kit hurts their ranking. I do not like the red Advocare logo at all. It just does not mesh with the kit. I also do not like the addition of gray into the kit. I would love to see FCD go with a solid color (blue or white) away kit. Think it could be really cool.

7. Chivas USA

Yes, I know they have a collar. Yes, I hate the collar. However, I do like the vertical stripes and really love the Corona sponsorship. The away kit is one of the best. I have zero complaints about the away kit. If Chivas got rid of that collar, they could be competing for top 3. Maybe next year…

6. New York Red Bulls

Same kits as every year. They can mess around with the piping all they want, but being a Red Bull team will make their kits always look the same. That being said, I like the look and it is recognizable to almost anyone. I would probably rank them higher, but I’m honestly bored of the same thing every year.

5. Philadelphia Union

Let’s be honest, their home kits suck. They suck pretty hard. Use more of the blue and less of the gold. That gold just does not mesh with the jersey when used that much. It is an accent color that is being thrown into a major role. Now to the good stuff. That second kit is great. Love the use of the light blue that is just an accent in the first kit. It looks great. They use the gold like it should be used. Should switch that one to being the home kit! The alternate kit they just released before the season is just cool. Simple throwback looks go a long way with me. Even taking the retro Bimbo logo. Nothing but respect for this kit.

4. Montreal Impact

Simple color scheme with a simple kit. Good enough to get Montreal into the middle of the pack. Then comes that third kit. I know it has a collar, but the vertical stripes of black and blue are too good for me to not love. Since it is their third kit, I will allow a collar, but if they lost it I would not complain.

3. Vancouver Whitecaps

I am a little ashamed in both myself and America that I have 2 Canadian teams in the top 5. However, they do warrant this placement. At first, I was not sure about the diagonal stripes, but I think they are thin enough for me to not be bothered by them. Same color scheme as SKC, just done properly. Maybe we can learn some stuff from our northern neighbors. And they can learn from us how to not suck. Good trade, eh?

2. Portland Timbers

Almost perfection here. Portland is definitely winning the Cascadia Cup of Kits. Yes, I just made that up. Getting really nitpicky on the first two kits, the only thing I do not like is the V-neck thing they have. Again, super nitpicky since you cannot distinguish that on TV at all. Now to their third kit. Just a beautiful throwback kit. The color scheme works perfectly, the retro logo for both the team and sponsor is beautiful, and I don’t even hate the collar on it (retro enough to trump my hatred). Portland just does the things right that Seattle does wrong. They have similar color schemes, but only Portland has figured out how to use the bright colors in a subtle way.

1. DC United

Easiest part of deciding these rankings was putting DC at the top. Perfect in so many ways (minus the new addition of a collar on second kit). The color scheme is great, their logo is classy, the sponsor logo just works, and they kept it simple. DC has been the kit leader in MLS pretty much the entire time the league has been around.

There it is. My rankings for the MLS. I know I have some weird things that I like and do not like about jerseys, but it’s my blog so I do what I want. Feel free to comment and argue all you want. All in all, I think we can all agree that as long as no one uses the jersey below, we should all be happy: